HOW TIME FLIES / MUMMY XXXXX XXXXXX (XXXXXXX)
GOOD AFTERNOON SPECIAL MAN. I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A FUN TIME WITH DEVLIN AND ALL YOUR OTHER ANGEL FRIENDS. DID YOU SEE THE BALLOONS THAT DEVLIN'S MOMMY SENT UP TO YOU TWO, FOR YOUR 7 MONTH BIRTHDAY? YOU AND DEVLIN SHARE A SPECIAL BOND, YOU BOTH GREW YOR WINGS ON THE VERY SAME DAY DIDN'T YOU, SO WE KNOW THAT YOU ARE TOGETHER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE 7 MONTHS OLD ALREADY. HAD YOU NOT GROWN YOUR YOUR WINGS I WOULD HAVE RETURNED TO MY PREVIOUS JOB NOW. WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING NOW? SITTING BY YOURSELF AND MAKING A MESS WITH YOUR FOOD I EXPECT.
I MISS YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY, AND NOT A DAY PASSES WITH OUT YOU ON MY MIND.
EVERY SINGLE DAY I AM REMINDED OF YOU. IF A BABY CRIES, OR I SEE A PRAM, IF I SEE A PREGNANT LADY, OR SIMPLY JUST A LITTLE BOY! I FIND MYSELF STARING AT BABIES IN THEIR PRAMS, I GUESS HOW OLD THEY ARE, AND I'M SURE SOME OF THEM WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN AROUND THE SAME TIME YOU WERE. ALTHOUGH YOU WOULD PROBABLY BE BIGGER THAN THEM!!!!
I CHECK THE BIRTH COLUMN EVERY DAY IN THE LOCAL PRESS, I DON'T KNOW WHY...BECAUSE I JUST GET JEALOUS THAT THESE PEOPLE CAN CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF THEIR BABY, AND WE NEVER GOT TO.
PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK IF WE WILL HAVE ANOTHER BABY, BUT THEY DON'T REALIZE HOW HARD THAT WILL BE. ITS OT JUST A CASE OF HAVING ANOTHER BABY...ITS A CASE OF WALKING ON EGG SHELLS EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR 9 MONTHS.
IT'S PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS AWARNESS WEEK THIS WEEK, AND I GUESS IT WILL PASS AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WILL NOT EVEN KNOW. IT'S NOT LIKE BREAST CANCER AWARNESS, AND OTHER FATAL DISEASES. WHEN A WOMAN LOSES HER BABY SHE IS KEPT SILENT TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT, AS I WOULD NEVER BE SILENCED. I WILL MAKE SURE THAT THE MEMORY OF YOU LIVES ON, EVEN AFTER I HAVE GONE, PEOPLE WILL STILL KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU.
I THINK PEOPLE ARE SILENCED BECAUSE ITMAKES OTHER PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE!!! WELL THIS MAY SOUND NASTY....BUT ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS THAT I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT YOU WETHER THEY FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE OR NOT. YOU ARE MY CHILD, AND JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HERE DOES NOT MEAN THAT I CAN'T TALK ABOUT YOU.
IN 5 MORE MONTHS YOU WILL BE 1 YEAR OLD ALREADY! 7 MONTHS HAVE FLOWN....SO IT'S NOT LONG REALLY. I WILL EVEN TRY ANDBAKE YOU A SPECIAL CAKE! AND I WILLSEND YOU A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY BALLOON UP TO YOU TOO. AND ONE FOR DEVLIN. YOU WILL HAVE A BIG PARTY IN HEAVEN, AS ITS DEVLINS BIRTHDAY TOO.
BEFORE THEN,IT'S YOUR FIRST CHRISTMAS!!!!! YOU WILL HAVE A STOCKING JUST LIKE THE OTHERS AND SOME SPECIAL GIFTS FOR YOUR MEMORY BOX. I'M SURE KIRSTIE WILL ENJOY OPENING THEM FOR YOU!!!!! THESE OCCASIONS WILL BE HARD FOR ME, KNOWING THAT YOU SHOULD BE HERE WITH US, IT'S HARD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.
THIS IS ANOTHER THING THAT OTHERS WHO HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THIS DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I THINK THEY ASSUME THAT YOU LOSE A BABY...BUT THATS OK YOU CAN ALWAYS HAVE ANOTHER!!! I HAVE LEARNED THAT IN EXTREME CASES YOU CAN NOT. AND WHAEN YOU LOSE THAT BABY OR CHILD, THE LOSS IS WITH YOU FOR EVER....UNTIL YOU DIE. EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
I WORRY ABOUT OTHERS MORE THAN I DID BEFORE. I WORRY THAT I AM GOING TO LOSE SOMEONE CLOSE TO ME EVERY SINGLE DAY. I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT. WHAT DOWNFALL WILL I EXPERIENCE NEXT. I WORRY ABOUT KIRSTIE, AND HAVE BAD DREAMS THAT SHE GROWS ANGEL WINGS TO BE WITH YOU. THESE ARE ONLY DREAMS BUT THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING THEM BECOME A REALITY. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. YOU SPENT A WHOLE 9 MONTHS + IN MY BELLY, ONLY TO COME OUT AND LEAVE US FOR EVER. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR, ON YOU OR US.
LOSING YOU HAS MADE ME MORE AWARE THAT YOU CAN LOSE SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU JUST LIKE THAT! LIFE IS NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS, BUT WHEN THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN, YOU UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE.
ALL I WANT OUT OF LIFE IS TO BRING KIRSTIE UP WELL AND MAKE SURE SHE DOES WELL IN SCHOOL ETC, AND MAKE YOUR MEMORY LIVE ON.
I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE OF COURSE THAT FEELS I HAVE TO BE SILENCED, AS I HAVE GOT TO KNOW MANY OTHER ANGEL MOMS, MUMS AND DADS WHO HAVE MEMORIAL SITES FOR THEIR PRECIOUS ONES. WE ARE A COMMUNITY WHO LOVES OUR ANGELS AND WANTS EVERYBODY TO SEE THAT. I WANT TO THANK ALL THE ANGEL FAMILY MEMBERS WHO HELP KEEP BENJAMINS MEMORY ALIVE, IT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY, AND AT THE SAMR TIME YOU ARE KEEPING YOUR LOVED ONES MEMORY ALIVE ALSO. YOUR ANGELS MEAN ALOT TO ME TOO, AND IF BENJAMIN HAD NOT GAINED HIS WINGS I WOULD HAVE NEVER MET YOU ALL.
BENJAMIN, I KNOW THAT YOU ARE STILL WITH ME AND DADDY AND ALL WHO LOVE YOU EVERY DAY. I WISH YOU WOULD COME INTO MY DREAMS MORE FREQUENTLY THOUGH, I MISS YOU. I DON'T LIKE THE BAD DREAMS I AM HAVING ABOUT KIRSTIE.
ANYWAY, YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY PLAYING WITH YOUR FRIENDS, SAY HI TO ALL OUR LOVED ONES. IM SUR THAT MY GRANS, AND DADDYS POP LOOK AFTER YOU TOO. IF YOU SEE HAZELS MUMMY GIVE HER A BIG HUG AND TELL HER THAT HER DAUGHTER IS SUCH A SPECIAL LADY. AND IF YOU SEE AUNTY KAY TELL HER THAT SHE IS MISSED. I HAVE A FEELING THAT AUNTY KAY LOOKS AFTER YOU TOO. SHE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU BEFORE SHE GREW HER WINGS. I WILL GROW MY WINGS WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT, AND I WILLL COME AND JOIN THE PARTY IN THE SKY!
LOVE YOU BABY BOY XXXXX
MUMMY XXXXXXXXXXXXX
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